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September 29, 2019

Are you addicted to your trauma?


Now before you think I’m not being sympathetic, let me explain.

I’ve experienced A LOT of trauma in my life…

✅childhood sexual abuse
✅surviving a dramatic suicide attempt
✅emotional abuse
✅verbal abuse
✅physical abuse
✅drug abuse
✅being mindfucked in a spiritual cult for 8 years
✅financial abuse
✅EXTREME gaslighting
✅a man who made babies with other women while being married to me…

…the list goes on and on.

So I have just about as much empathy as is humanly possible.

But something really shifted in me in the past few years and especially through the creation of my autobiography I’m birthing into the world next month.

I carried my stories of trauma for YEARS…about 30 years to be exact. And not only did I carry them, I rehearsed them, I played with them, I fostered the feelings that came along with them.

I did this because I didn’t know who I was without the trauma, without the stories and the drama that came with them.

They were comfortable. They allowed me to stay small, to maintain my identity of the victim and be able to make excuses for my actions and behavior…because you know… “trauma.”

But I always knew I was more than that! I always knew that someday I wouldn’t be defined by what I went through. That I’d be defined by who I am and who I’ve become.

We NEED to share our stories. They need to be released from the shadows and surrendered to the light. I’m the biggest advocate for that.

Soon every thought from all my years of trauma will be released out into the world and the only way that’s possible is because I don’t identify with those parts of myself anymore. They’ve all taken a backseat.

I understand in a deeply profound way that my soul CHOSE to have those experiences in this lifetime, just as yours did. Just as my daughter’s has.

Even in the midst of the chaos and trauma, somewhere deep inside a hunger for truth was ravenous and an uncontrollable fire burned.

I just had to learn to harness that energy in a different way. And when I did, I was able to alchemize my pain into personal empowerment.

So tell your stories. Live and speak your truth. Rise above the chaos and the noise.

And then settle into the juicy peace, stillness and joy that is your birthright no matter what you’ve been through!

I’m not a trauma survivor. My goal was never to merely survive.

I’m a liver and lover of this game called life. When you understand we’re all just perfectly playing our parts, you’ll truly be free.

That doesn’t mean we aren’t human, with human emotions. I still have mine intact.

And yet even in the midst of emotion, there’s something beautiful and unwavering. I promise you. 💖

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