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May 14, 2019

We are ALWAYS the Teacher, and the Student.


If you ever think you’re not the student, you’re not living in purity, but in arrogance.


For 8 years, I lived in a community of hierarchy, and it’s been a long journey of unwinding those belief systems.


We had our Teachers, basically gurus, and they were apparently at some advanced level of consciousness, that was made clear to us, we would never attain.


Then there were the “elite” group. They just happened to be the gurus’ favorite students, so they were labeled as being in a higher state of consciousness, but not too high. Just enough to be better than the rest of us.


The ones to be in envy of.


In the end, these belief systems led to the suicide of a very close friend of mine. His striving to be perfect, and feeling like he couldn’t achieve it, made him end his life.


I was always just on the outskirts. Not quite in the elite, but close enough to our teachers to see enough of the shit that went on behind the scenes.


I was never good enough. I fought against my own mind, day in and out, for years. I never understood why I couldn’t just shut my mind off, like I thought everyone else was.


And I certainly was never quite cool enough either. I was so insanely insecure within myself, that I felt like a floater, not really fitting in anywhere.


Now I see what a gift that was! Even though I too strived to “get” to the next level, it kinda felt icky to me at the same time. Of course back then, I was brainwashed into not trusting my innate wisdom, my Intuition. So I didn’t really question it too deeply.


I’m very sensitive now to anyone that puts themselves above anyone else, and that’s something I never want to be in a position of either.


Intense therapy for the past 3 years, has helped me shed these layers of conditioning.


Every time I’d meet someone really awesome, I would share with my therapist about them, and she was always skeptical. Not of them, but of me.


Because the way I’d talk about people, was in a way that put them above me.


I was still thinking these mentors, coaches, people I looked up to, had something I didn’t. This played out in my romantic partnerships as well.


And I also remember the day it all shifted.


I stopped putting others above me. I stopped thinking I had to get somewhere other than where I am. I stopped ignoring my gut instincts.


I stopped putting other people up on a pedestal!


And I started seeing myself in a whole new light!


And it’s amazing!!


I get more out of my relationships, because nobody is better than the other.


I was able to lead an awesome retreat in Arizona, from a place of purity. From knowing I have so many amazing gifts, and experiences to share with the world, and I did, with those women.


But I also learned SO much, and we all were equals.


This shift has take me nearly 20 years to make, and it may always be something I have to keep an eye on.


But please know, that I don’t see you as any more, or any less. We are all just going down different roads. We all have our own journeys, and lessons.


So when you decide to work with a coach, mentor, therapist, please remember that you have the power inside of YOU.


We have people in our lives to help guide us, and that’s what I’m here to do, but not to take our power away, or make us feel like we’re never going to get to where they are.


It simply isn’t true.


Any good coach, or leader, sees you in complete perfection, and is there to help you REMEMBER who you are!

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